Strengths Finder 2

This study has provoked a lot of conversation between Mandy and I. Here's why: she and I are about as opposite as you can get when it comes to our strengths. As ministry partners, this is awesome, because it means great compatibility. As spouses, it means the same thing, but it is oh so incredibly difficult.

Mandy has the rarest theme in America: discipline. She loves predictability. She is always asking the question "Why?" She is very focused and analytical, and is a super achiever. Me on the other hand: not so much...on any of this. I am just fine flying by the seat of my pants, making changes as I go. I don't like predictability. I prefer adaptability. See the tension!

Through our 11 years of marriage, we have most often seen these major differences as major weaknesses in one another. We certainly have not seen them as strengths. And we certainly have not changed this after a few weeks of conversation. But just realizing there is a a conversation to be had has made a world of difference. I appreciate Mandy's strengths more today than I probably ever have before, and I believe this is going to continue to have a great influence on our marriage!

Fight Club Session 3

I love starting my Tuesday morning with Fight Club. This morning proved to be an injection of energy that I desperately needed. JB gave 25 practical ways to be a servant leader. Before I get to a few of those, though, I will recap the theme of the series: A man is not passive. A man takes initiative in all things, especially his family.

I could offer thoughts to all 25 ideas he gave, but I'm going to pick three for now.

A servant-leader takes the time to give his children practical instructions about life, which in turn gives them confidence with their peers.

One of the wounds that many men have is that they were not equipped for life by their fathers. I wouldn't necessarily say that I have wounds when it comes to this, but there have definitely been some areas where I've been ill-equipped in dealing with the world. There were some pretty significant life skills that I had to learn on my own. So my desire is to begin brainstorming now what life skills I want to teach my boys. Then comes reverse engineering: How do I teach them these skills? When do I teach them these skills? Finally there comes the reality that I will fail them in some ways, but I rest in the grace of God to fill in the gaps.

A servant-leader joins a small group of men who are dedicated to improving their skills as a man, husband and father.

This statement will quite possibly be my biggest take-away from these five weeks of Fight Club. This is what I've been wanting for the guys that I know, and for myself. I have friends who don't necessarily believe the same things as I believe about God, but all of them want to be better husbands, better dads. What would it look like to have some friends who agree to pursue this together, with great intentionality and encouragement.

A servant-leader takes the lead in establishing with his wife sound, biblically-supportable family values.

Here's a huge "AHA" moment: I've taken a lot of time thinking about and writing out values for Neighborhood Church. I've done the same things with businesses I've started. Yet Mandy and I have never written out our values for marriage or for raising children. Of course we've had conversations about this, and of course we have unspoken values, but there's been nothing strategic about it. I'm thinking a lot about this word "strategy." Most men I know do a lot of strategizing during the 8-5 hours. Why don't we do this with our family, during the most crucial hours of our day? Why don't I put the same strategy into being a husband and father as I do in being a pastor/entrepreneur?

Fight Club Session 2

This morning's session was on the role of men as husbands. JB did an awesome job once again. He began by showing a video about initiative. This once again goes back to the root sin of passivity that was talked about last week. A man must take initiative in all parts of his life, and this is none too true when it comes to marriage.

First great point of the morning: In relating to and understanding your wife, operating on the principles of what comes naturally to you is a big mistake. Women are very different from men, and treating her like you would treat another man is not going to work. Might seem like a no-brainer, but it's a no-brainer that I need to be reminded of.

The biggest take home for me was going through the core needs of a husband and a wife. The number one need for both is the same. It's Companionship. But after that, everything is different. For husbands, the next three are:

• Admiration
• Support
• Physical Responsiveness
  
  

For wives, they are:

• Security
• Significance
• Emotional Responsiveness

JB then closed by giving a "Must Do", "Can Do" and "Courageous Do" for each of the four core needs for wives. I'll save that for a later post, but it was an excellent reminder. Biggest thing I appreciated about this morning was the emphasis on initiative. This doesn't come naturally, and it's something that we have to work on.

So with that, I wrote three questions that I left with, and that I'll leave you with:

1. Now what? What am I going to do with what I've learned/been reminded of?
2. How am I going to make this a part of my vocabulary and then my lifestyle?
3. Where am I doing well? What do I need to work on?