I haven't been able to sleep tonight. This is a rarity for me, and I'm not sure why I'm so wide awake. I finally got out of bed around 12:30 and have been reading and writing ever since. This Sunday is our first Sunday in our new location, and more important, it's our first Sunday without Jason and Barb. I realize that I haven't done much blogging lately, and this is the chief reason. It was in some ways the elephant in the room, and I just haven't had the words to write about it.
Right before Thanksgiving Jason told me that he had been feeling for awhile that his time at Neighborhood Church was nearing an end. Though he wasn't sure what the next steps were, he felt that God was calling them away. My initial reaction was surprise, but over the next few days it became more and more clear that this was right. I then had to deal with the sudden realization that I was about to become a pastor. Now I realize that I have been a pastor for awhile, but since moving to Memphis to start NC, I've been referring to myself as a "co-pastor." There were several reasons why I did this, all of which I won't get into, but the unhealthy on is this: as much as I value "Team", it has been a crutch for me for awhile. Wow, I actually said it.
God has been doing a major work in me over the past couple of months, and it has started with a renewed sense of dependence. I do not feel adequate for this task. I know what my limitations are. But I also know how big God is. I know that He is strong and that He loves me (Psalm 62:11-12). God is calling our church to trust Him, and through that He will not only reveal His love for us, grant peace to our troubled hearts, and give us abundant life, but He will begin to do what only He can do in our city.
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