Sabbatical Reflections

I am two weeks into my 2-month sabbatical.  For background, here's a post that Meredith Pace, one of our Leadership Team members, wrote a couple of months ago, and here's a post I wrote sharing with our church my heart and plans for this sabbatical.

So far the sabbatical has been marked by travel.  We started out with our second annual micro church trip to the water park, with a stop at Heifer Village on the way.  Two days later the four of us headed east.  We stopped overnight in Atlanta, staying with my Uncle Jack and Aunt Marlene.  Then we drove to Uncle Bruce and Aunt Ginger's Marsh House just a little outside Savannah.  We spent one night there, then two nights at their home in Savannah.

Then we headed to Tybee Island.  It's been a very restful trip so far, and we have two full days left.  Our condo is not completely ocean-front, but it will do.  Here's the view from our balcony.

We've spent most of our time at the pool or on the beach.  The first few days were cooler and windy, which made the waves a bit rough for the boys, but which also made the evenings on the balcony amazing.  We've also eaten a lot of seafood, which is always a good thing.  I introduced the boys to crab legs the other night.  They both loved it.

Yesterday we spent the day on Bruce and Ginger's sailboat.  The boys went fishing and Micah caught two sharks.

On Saturday we begin our drive back home.  We'll be spending the night in Atlanta, and arriving in Memphis on Sunday afternoon.

  

The Need to Unplug

Hello. My name is Robert and I have an addiction. I love technology. Although I don't check Facebook and Twitter as much as someone in my family does (I won't go down alone dear), I do admit that there's a glorious sense of anticipation every time my phone buzzes, telling me that someone somewhere has something really important to say to me via email or text message.

There. I've cleared my conscience. Now what?

I recently heard an interview with Scott Belsky, in which he said that looking at your smartphone has the same effect as cocaine. It relieves anxiety and makes you feel in control. Now I've never tried cocaine, but I have a feeling that whoever came up with that fact is probably right on the money.

Technology has such a grip on our society. We have to acknowledge this before we ever hope to break free. In that same interview Belsky says that we have to ruthlessly pursue windows of non-stimulation. He says that true creativity will only happen when we are able to unplug from technology, because that is the only place where true and deep thinking can occur.

Where this really hits home for me is with my kids. Adam is already addicted to my phone, or more specifically, he's addicted to a game on my phone about ticked off birds. Getting him to go in his room and play is so difficult. His objection: That's boring! One of the solutions that Mandy and I have been talking about is starting a new tradition in our home, where 1 or 2 days of the week are designated tech-free days. That means no Backyardigans, Angry Birds, or Wii, but it also means no Facebook, email, or Modern Family. Instead, we will use our time to play games, take walks, read books, and, in the case of the boys and I, wrestle. This is what the home is supposed to be anyway, right?

I've been reading a book that Mandy got at Mom Congress. It's called Hamlet's Blackberry, by William Powers. In one of the chapters he quotes from Henry David Thoreau's Walden:

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived...I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.

I love those words. It's what I want for my family. It's also what I want for me. I'm making some changes when it comes to technology. Here are three things I'm going to begin doing that I know will help me during my hours at work.

1. I am going to designate 3-5 times during the day when I check email. The rest of the time my gmail will not be up. And I'm going to disable the push feature on my iPhone. No more buzzes when I get an email.
2. I'm going to stop checking email right before I go to bed and right after I get up. I've realized that nothing good comes from that.
3. My most productive times are in the morning. For some crazy reason I've been waking up around 5:30 every morning. At first it frustrated me, but now I've realized that it's a good thing. I'm going to begin doing any creative work (reading, writing, thinking) in the mornings, and I am going to begin scheduling meetings and appointments for the afternoon.

I know that some of these changes, whether it's for me or my family, are going to be easier than others (I imagine that Micah is going to throw things when he hears how it affects him). And I know that just as with any addiction, there will be times when I'm weak. But I believe that change is possible. I have a feeling that we are going to one day look back on the decade when instant communication became a reality, and realize that it wasn't the best thing for us.

Juggling Plates/Spinning Balls

Or something like that. I must confess that things are busier for the Grisham family than they have ever been before. I shared a few weeks ago that we have had some major changes in our lives, and it's been tricky navigating those changes. My office time now consists of the hours between 8:30 and 2:00, and then again from 3:30-5:00. And that's sometimes just four days a week. The rest of my work happens whenever and wherever I can squeeze it in.

My real estate is going well - hoping to have at least three closings in the next month. But it's definitely been keeping me busy. And then there's my normal church work. It has been great that I've had the last three Sundays off from teaching at NC, but I've been using the time as prep for a new series I'm starting this Sunday.

Adam has transitioned into kindergarten so well. I am so proud of him, and we're very happy with Peabody. Micah, on the other hand, has had a more difficult time. He's finally taking naps at daycare, but he's also just hit "the terrible twos." Though he's still a sweet boy most of the time, he definitely has his moments! And when he doesn't get enough sleep, well...the sweet boy kind of vanishes.

I hope it doesn't seem like I'm complaining too much. I'm just trying to keep these balls/plates from dropping/crashing. Mandy and I have been in tough places like this before, and it just means that we have to be extra intentional about keeping margin for our family.

A Whirlwind of Change

The last few weeks have been full of change for the Grisham family. I began my real estate classes at the beginning of July, and passed my exam a little over a week ago. Some have asked why I'm going into real estate. The answer is that I've actually been in real estate for a few years now. A year after moving to Memphis I started working in the mortgage industry. Unfortunately, just as I was getting going the housing industry was falling apart, so I got out of it. Through that, though, I caught the real estate bug, and I've been dabbling in it since that time. So it just made sense to make it a little more official and go ahead and get licensed. I hope to help my friends (and friends of my friends) buy or sell their homes, but I also plan to get more involved in the investment side of real estate. As soon as all of the paperwork goes through (a week or so), I'll begin working with Revid Realty here in Midtown.

As if that were not enough to write about, here are a few more changes. First, Mandy has gone back to teaching. We were planning on her taking one more year away from the classroom, but a job opened up at Vollentine Elementary School, which is located in the northern part of Midtown. My friend Matthew Watson is helping his church, Living Hope, plant a church in that neighborhood, and they are already official adopters of this school. God has opened several doors that have led us to take this step.

This meant that we had to find a place for Micah. Adam is starting Kindergarten next week (another BIG change), but we now needed daycare for Micah. My mom will be with him one day a week, I'll be with him another, and three days a week he'll be at Union Avenue's daycare, which, if you didn't know, is located one floor down from my office. They gave us an amazing discount, which is the only way we would have been able to enroll him there. Yet another door opened by God.

These are the stories we mustn't forget. We have to tell them to our children. We have to remind them that God is active in our lives, that He has plans for us, and when we are faithful to take them, He guides and directs our steps. After all, He is quite good at opening doors that seem to be closed!

This is a difficult transition for Mandy. She is going to miss being at home with the boys. We know that they are going to do great in school, but it's going to be hard for her. She has also been doing so much with NC and with the Peabody movement. Many of those roles are going to transition to others.

I am definitely a glass half-full kind of guy, but I know that this is going to be tricky in a lot of ways. I know that God is going to help us, and I believe that our times together as a family will be even richer.

Fireworks

On Saturday night we went to Collierville to eat BBQ and watch the fireworks show with Dad & Co. As soon as the first rocket was launched, Adam was ready to leave. It was too loud for him, and he immediately began crying. Mandy ended up taking him farther away from the action. Micah wasn't too sure what to think, but as soon as it started he wanted out of his stroller and into my lap.

As I watched the spectacle, I couldn't help but think back to what our 4th of July fireworks celebrations commemorate: Real rockets. Real bombs. Real fire. Real war. I then started thinking about Francis Scott Key and the events that inspired the composition of "The Star Spangled Banner." Remember that? And while I was extremely grateful for the sacrifices that have been made whereby we are a free nation, it also hit me that perhaps my son's reaction to what was going on was the most authentic. Go figure.

And the winner is...

Not us.

We unfortunately did not win the "Cutest Family" contest. Even so, thanks again to all of you who voted for us!

Fight Club Session 3

I love starting my Tuesday morning with Fight Club. This morning proved to be an injection of energy that I desperately needed. JB gave 25 practical ways to be a servant leader. Before I get to a few of those, though, I will recap the theme of the series: A man is not passive. A man takes initiative in all things, especially his family.

I could offer thoughts to all 25 ideas he gave, but I'm going to pick three for now.

A servant-leader takes the time to give his children practical instructions about life, which in turn gives them confidence with their peers.

One of the wounds that many men have is that they were not equipped for life by their fathers. I wouldn't necessarily say that I have wounds when it comes to this, but there have definitely been some areas where I've been ill-equipped in dealing with the world. There were some pretty significant life skills that I had to learn on my own. So my desire is to begin brainstorming now what life skills I want to teach my boys. Then comes reverse engineering: How do I teach them these skills? When do I teach them these skills? Finally there comes the reality that I will fail them in some ways, but I rest in the grace of God to fill in the gaps.

A servant-leader joins a small group of men who are dedicated to improving their skills as a man, husband and father.

This statement will quite possibly be my biggest take-away from these five weeks of Fight Club. This is what I've been wanting for the guys that I know, and for myself. I have friends who don't necessarily believe the same things as I believe about God, but all of them want to be better husbands, better dads. What would it look like to have some friends who agree to pursue this together, with great intentionality and encouragement.

A servant-leader takes the lead in establishing with his wife sound, biblically-supportable family values.

Here's a huge "AHA" moment: I've taken a lot of time thinking about and writing out values for Neighborhood Church. I've done the same things with businesses I've started. Yet Mandy and I have never written out our values for marriage or for raising children. Of course we've had conversations about this, and of course we have unspoken values, but there's been nothing strategic about it. I'm thinking a lot about this word "strategy." Most men I know do a lot of strategizing during the 8-5 hours. Why don't we do this with our family, during the most crucial hours of our day? Why don't I put the same strategy into being a husband and father as I do in being a pastor/entrepreneur?

Cutest Family Update

Just found out that we won regionals for the Cutest Family Search. Go here, then to page 4 and you'll see us. Thanks to everyone who voted for us! And thanks to Kristi for making it happen!

Side note: we actually won the contest just about the time I was first experiencing the agony of a kidney stone. Not sure if there's any relevance there or not.

Vote for Us!

Apparently we're in the running to win the regional portion of a contest. The following is from Kristi Vickers, fellow NC member and owner of BluOrchid Photography:

As many of you know, we have participated in the International Search for North America's Cutest Family. This search has already helped to raise thousands of needed dollars to support the non-profit organization, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. But we can't stop now! Tomorrow is the last day to vote and every vote really counts. Not only does it raise money for this amazing organization, but there are some fantastic prizes involved!

Click here to be taken to the voting website. Click on Gallery and enter gallery to view families and vote. Click the drop down menu for tour city and click Memphis. Click "vote" next to the photograph to be taken to the secure voting screen. The votes are only $1 and every dime of that money goes to benefit Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. The prizes that the families win are all donated by sponsors. You can vote as many times as you like and there is no limit to the amount that you can enter!

If you have been looking for an organization to give to, we can't think of any that would be better. Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep offers infant bereavement portraits to families that will never leave the hospital with their babies. All of the photographers that work with this program are volunteers but there are still many needs to keep the organization going. This contest is their biggest fundraiser of the year and we can all help by voting!

Votes will be taken until midnight (mountain time zone) on April 8! Which ever family for each city has the highest number of votes will move on to the finals, where the photographs will be judged by a professional panel of photographers. The final winner will be awarded the grand prize....A NEW CAR!

A New Blog

We have a carpool with Josh and Ginger Spickler on days that Walt and Adam have CLUE at Downtown Elementary School. Josh has started a blog documenting the strange and amusing conversations that go on in the backseat during those drives. If you need a laugh, check it out. I promise that it will not let you down.

Reflections on Advent

Christmas is over at my house. Mandy took the tree down yesterday, much to the disappointment of Adam (he cried). So even though I'm a little late in posting this, here's what made the Christmas season special for me.

This is the third year that our family and church has participated in Advent Conspiracy, and I feel that each year has been better than the last. This year was no exception. I felt that our church entered into this season in a great way. It seemed to me that most in our community did a better job slowing down and spending less. I heard great stories of relational giving. And we loved all in tangible and practical ways (I'll be sharing this Sunday what we're doing with the money raised through our Advent Conspiracy offering, so stay tuned). Finally, our hearts were captured by the indescribable gift that God gave the world in Jesus.

In the past, I feel like I've concentrated more on my church's experience with Advent than I have my family's, but this year was different. On December 26 I wasn't left thinking, "there's got to be more to this." A few highlights:

• We weren't nearly as busy as in other years, and I feel like we took advantage of that as a family
• As far as relational giving goes, Santa brought us a Wii, which has been great fun for the whole family. We brought it to Paducah on Christmas day, and everyone from the age of 4 to 84 played. We're looking forward to having some Wii parties in the future.
• As far as loving all goes, I wanted to do something to help Adam understand that Christmas is more about getting presents, so we decided to sponsor a child through Compassion. Our sponsor child is a little boy named Gino. Gino is two months younger than Adam and is from the Philippines. Adam has written Gino a card with their picture on it, and yesterday he heard the Philippines mentioned on the news and exclaimed, "That's where Gino lives."

Merry Christmas!!!

Surprise, Surprise

On our way to community group tonight, Mandy got a call from Meredith saying that we were out of plates and cups for the meal. Mandy said that we were going to go by Susan's house (where the other community group was meeting) to pick it up. I told Mandy that I would run in to get it. When I opened the door, I heard "Surprise. Happy Birthday." I was completely shocked.

I later learned that it was of course the brain child of Mandy, with some help from Josh and a few others. We had Central BBQ and cake, and watched my senior recital and some flashbacks from 2% Milk, the acappella group I was a part of in college. Definitely some embarrassing moments, but a lot of fun. Never had a surprise birthday party thrown for me.

I love the folks at NC. I am blessed to have such wonderful friends.

A Mom and Her Boys

Mandy has written some wonderful things about our sons, Adam and Micah.

5 Years of Blogging

Today marks five years of this blog. It kind of slipped up on me. I actually thought this was four years, but it turns out it's five. How about that? When I began blogging in September, 2004, I really wasn't sure if it would be something that I would be consistent in, and though there have definitely been moments where I slacked off, I'm pleased that I've kept going.

My Busy Summer

With the summer winding down, I thought I'd take a little time to reflect. This has been a very busy summer, especially for my mind. Since February I have been the primary teacher at Neighborhood Church, and though I love it more than I would have ever guessed, it's been tiring. Our leadership team decided earlier this year that I should not teach more than three times per month, so we've had several guest speakers. This has given me much needed breaks, but it's also been very good for our church to hear some additional voices. Last Sunday night I finished up a series on the book of Acts. My hope with this series was that it would lay a solid biblical foundation for what it means to be a local church in Memphis in 2009. This Sunday night I'm beginning an 8-week series on the vision of NC. I'll be writing some blog posts on this during the next few weeks.

We also began having community groups this summer. They've been great. They're messy at times, but also beautiful. My guess is that we've had more people in our community groups this summer than we've had on Sunday nights for our worship gatherings. Definitely something there to consider. Last Wednesday night we began a conversation on how to build bridges within the gay and lesbian community here in Midtown. Over the last couple of months I've probably spent at least 40 hours studying this topic. It's a very emotional topic, for me and for our church, but one that we want to be able to address. We're going to continue the dialog this Wednesday night. Blog posts and internet articles have been my primary resources, though the two books that have been most helpful have been Andrew Marin's Love is an Orientation, and Robert Gagnon and Dan Via's Homosexuality and the Bible: Two Views.

Though this summer has been tiring for me, it's also been the best one when it comes to family and community. My time with Mandy and the boys has been great. God has blessed me so much with an amazing wife and two wonderfully charming little boys. They make life better. Adam just started pre-k, and Mandy's at home with Micah this year. She's also working part-time for the church. As to community, our friends enrich our lives in so many ways. Last Friday night we had a CYPN (Cooper-Young Parent's Network) party at our house. We had 40 people in our backyard, which I did not think was even possible. That included 15 kids under the age of 5. I definitely didn't think that was possible. It was such a great time for everyone.

I'm glad that summer is drawing to a close simply because that means it's about to get cooler and the leaves are going to begin changing colors. I love Memphis in the fall. There's such a sense of anticipation within me. It might sound simple, but I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward to walking Adam to school. That time is here, and I'm thankful for it.

Though I feel that my mind is a little muddy right now, I know that God has been teaching me so much. He's been giving me what I need when I need it, and for that I'm very thankful.

Reflections from the Beach

Last night we returned from three nights at Orange Beach. It was so good for the four of us to get away and have fun together. Mandy and I knew it would be challenging with with both boys and no other adults (as there has been during other vacations), so we did some pretty intentional planning. We left our house on Monday morning at 4:30 am. This meant that the boys slept quite a bit, but it also meant that we had several hours on the beach that first day.

We also decided that we would feed the boys first, then I would pick up takeout (seafood) and we would enjoy a nice dinner on the balcony after they were asleep. I must say that this was Mandy's idea, and what a wonderful idea it was. It was a great time of reconnecting for the two of us.

One story to share...on the first morning Adam and I went out for a walk on the beach. As we were walking back towards our condo, a jogger came up behind us and passed us. Apparently Adam saw this as a gesture to race, so off he went (picture Forrest Gump). The funniest part was that as soon as he passed him, he cut him off, then went to play in the sand. I'm sure the guy's response was, "Are you kidding me?" By this point I had stopped and was just laughing.

Alright, one more story about the 4-year old. If you've ever spent any time with Adam, you know that he's the extrovert of the family. Mom, Dad and Micah are all pretty boring to him, so he wanted to find friends. I love the fact that he's not afraid to go up to someone and begin talking. I sometimes worry that this is going to lead to heartbreak from time to time, but I love that he has that within him. Here's the funny part. Yesterday morning we went out to the beach one last time before leaving. I was sitting down watching Adam and Micah play in the sand. Two ladies walked by, and one of them said, "Hi Adam." She kept walking. It took me awhile to remember that Adam had met her when he went to play with her sons on our first day there. I laughed, wondering how many others knew Adam.

Another NBA Draft with my boys

Last night the boys and I watched the NBA draft together. This marked Adam's first draft (here's his first) and it was Micah's first. As a side note, I thought the Griz did ok. I'm actually pretty happy with Thabeet, and I was really glad to see Tyreke go #4 to the Kings and Dozier with the last pick of the draft. But enough of that. Here are a few more pics.

Some Pics from our Anniversary Party

Anniversary Party

This Friday Mandy and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage!  It's hard to believe that it's been ten years.  We've had our highs and we've had our lows, but thankfully, there have been more highs than lows.  God has blessed us with two wonderful sons, and has placed us in a great neighborhood with great friends.

Earlier this year Mandy had suggested that we celebrate our anniversary by having a concert for our friends.  So every so often we would get out the guitar and play through some of our favorite songs.  As we got closer to the date, we began planning the party.  

We couldn't have picked a better evening for our party.  The weather was wonderful, we had good food and drink, and I think everyone really enjoyed themselves.  I know that for Mandy and I, it was a very special time.

I'll post pictures as soon as I get them from Josh (you reading this?).